As a mother, I understand now how to live in a fast lane. Time seems to fly by and yet, sometimes I wish to stop the time and enjoy the moment with my son. It seems like yesterday when I had my contraction and sent to the hospital by my husband. It seems like yesterday when I heard his cry for the first time and bless him after his patron. It still feels like yesterday when both of us gave our best effort to be able to breastfeed him. And yet, I am living my present life – with a grateful heart.
Every day I see changes, adaptive movements, or simply a new technique that he learned from his surroundings. He is able to make a frown face, silly face and ‘give-me-a-kiss-mama’ face (I made up the last one, because I could kiss him at all time). He can understand what the adults are saying – clap his hands, give his pacifier to me, blink his eyes, hit the mosquito and many more. He can call ‘Papa’ loudly – but not yet ‘Mama’. He knows what he wants and he can point to it directly. That’s how much a ten-month old (in two more days) baby can amuse me.
When I have to work, I leave him at my parent’s house, because my husband is also working and no one could take care of him overnights. Sometimes he would miss me so bad and we had to go through video call, before he could go to sleep. Sometimes it is me who can’t resist my feeling, but I have to – because I do not want him to overthink of his mother. I know that he is doing fine, and so do I. Sometimes he is missing his breastfeeding moment and he would look for it. And that’s the most painful one! That’s why whenever I am home, I would maximize my time with him. I put aside my work and the nitty gritty – and spend time with him. I feed him, play with him, walk with him around the complex or simply watch the birds with him. I would not want to spend a second in waste.
I would never be able to stop or slowing down the time. But I can maximize my time. My son has taught me to embrace every moment and what it brings to my life. The sadness, the happiness, the tears and the laugh. They are meant to come to my life and I only need to embrace it.
Thanks, little E.